Hi, my name is Barb and I'm obsessed with Doctor Who. That's why I've been quite silent from the internet world for about two weeks now. I've been watching series one and series two on DVD pretty much over and over. In the UK it's called a series, not a season, and fries are called chips, and people snogg rather than make out.

So why do I like this show so much? Because it's intelligent, clean, funny, well written, has a great cast, and very good story line. People die (I think there is only one episode where everyone lives), but life moves on. Of course there is the side of me that would love to travel through time and space, though I'd be afraid of getting killed.

I've also started considering the possibility of moving to an apartment. I just don't know if I can afford it. I really don't want a roommate, just because I like my solitary existence, though I wouldn't mind sitting down and watching Doctor Who with someone that would enjoy it as much as I do.

Tonight we're scrapbooking. I hope it goes well. I've got tons of new paper but due to the Doctor Who obsession, not sure if my creative mind will be focused on scrapbooking in time to be productive. If anything it will be fun to chat and eat and do stuff like that.

And if anyone is interested in watching Doctor Who with me, let me know. I don't think I can let the DVDs out of my sight. Oh and I still prefer Doctor number nine to number ten, though I'm warming up to number ten. Can't wait until the next season is on DVD so I can watch it. That will be sometime next fall or winter. Bummer.

Starting off, Operation Happy Birthday appears to have been a success. We put in the effort to make a party that was fun and for the person it was meant to be K, and I think we pulled it off. The cake was right, the food was good, the people were there because they wanted to be there, and generally everyone likes everyone else. So it all turned out just fine. Glad to make it work and hopefully a happy memory.

Which is good as it was a pleasant ending to a crazy day. Work was crazy from being gone Friday, though I survived and it will probably continue to be crazy this week due to meetings and general work.

What kept my mind occupied most of the day was words from a friend that felt like being blind-sighted and rammed by a truck. The information came at a time when I'm back to usual me. Which is to say, partially having my head in a hole in the sand believing what I want to and that things are continuing on in stasis. Or something along those lines. The first response to said words was "the party is tonight and it's supposed to be for K, how can you bring this up now and it not impact tonight’s events" (which actually didn't happen - as in the parties that knew something was going on pretended that nothing was going on so everyone could have a good time).

The second thought was, "I've screwed up my responsibilities and my weak faith has not helped CC at all. Because I have failed, she has failed. This led to, it's time to take action (again). To stop delaying the return to what I know is good and how I should be. I was looking at the choice CC appeared to be making (her way) and how I’d been choosing my own way. I flashed back to that Spring day in 2000 where I sat on the counter in the activity center hall with T and C. T confronted me with truth. I’d been grasping onto an idea of my salvation from childhood. In reality I had never made my faith my own and I had a choice.

“I know the truth, what other choice can I make?” I said then. So we prayed.

I woke up the next morning with the Spirit of God radiating out of me (not literally, but people knew something was different, my eyes shone brighter, my walk, lighter).


Pastor B & P both talked about the Spirit being in us this week. So this morning I remembered Christ – through the Spirit, is in me. Therefore, again I say it, “I choose Christ.” I’ve lived the life I make for myself, I’ve lived the life where the Spirit is working in me. So I choose Christ. It’s better. It also means he is first. I forsake all others, all ideas of others. I choose Christ. If I marry, it will be because God helped our paths to cross, but first I need to be in ministry, doing as Christ desires from me. So that if marriage comes, that’s where we will meet and I will know that he has a heart for Christ as I do.

Jesus is not the booby prize. He is the GRAND prize. As I start working through these thoughts in my mind, I realize I love Him.

I realize I’ve always been capable of love because the Spirit is in me, but due to my flesh being in control, the Spirit was dormant. Now that I’ve allowed him to start a bit of cleaning house, love has returned. I choose Christ so now it is not I that lives, but Christ lives within me.

For now (hopefully for a little longer than last time) I want that to be what I return to. I choose Christ. That is what will determine my choices in other matters. I cannot think of it as a part of my life, because it what my life is to be about. Church is not just something I do on Sundays, but the undercurrent of all that I do. Even when I’m not quite there, it is still in the back of my mind working, reminding me. It’s time to spread some fruit.

So a few weeks ago I had a head cold that knocked me out for a few days. I could handle that, I didn't mind using up a few PTO hours for the day and a half, and it's not like I was really missing something at work by not being there.

But to be woken up at 4:30 AM with a sudden feeling that I'm about to vomit, just doesn't seem like something I really desire of a Friday. . . where I'm supposed to be in at work early so everything for the end of month can be done early, so we can all have a great "meeting" on the softball field playing kickball all afternoon. I expected to feel bad for a little bit, get it all up, then feel fine and head into work. No such luck. I got ready for work, though a little slower than usual, and with plenty of delays sitting on the floor in the bathroom waiting . . . for something to happen. I called in at 7 (when I was supposed to be there, talked to my supervisor, told her that if I didn't think I would puke on the drive in I would have at least gone in for that one hour to get everything done. She said they would do what was necessary and the rest would get dealt with after month end. I spent the morning between the bathroom and bed room(luckily not very far away from one another). By 10:00 the vomiting had stopped. By one, the case of chills had been replaced with a fever of 100.3. No appetite. Just sleep and misery. Didn't eat much for dinner, but was starting to feel somewhat better by evening.

I woke up this morning feeling fine. Full of energy (which is surprising since I ate hardly anything yesterday). Ready to break out into the world again. So the week at work ended up only being three days, which will make next week oh so much more difficult. But this afternoon I plan on working on scrapbook pages. And yes, we do need another scrapbook night, so we'll have to figure out a day when we can do it. I've got some fun stuff.

Oh and so now I went from no "occurrences" at work to two in less than a month. Not that it really matters, but I just hope I don't get sick again anytime soon.

It's been a great weekend. Especially since it lasted three days. Yesterday after church my parents and I drove an hour to go hiking at a place called Falls Creek Falls. My dad and I left my mom behind (as she goes the speed of a snail (due to medication as well as not being in very good shape). She doesn't mind going at her own pace as far as she can get and she actually did really well considering everything. It took my dad and I an hour to hike to the falls, and it was worth it. The web site where I got better driving directions from labeled it an "easy" hike. That was from a hiking website, so for regular, fit hikers it was easy. For my dad with a bum knee and being less active than he used to be, and me, still working on getting more active, it was a good hike to start out the summer with.

The falls were amazing. It's one of those places that you think should be in some exotic location, and here it is in our own extended back yard. A place that my dad hadn't even known existed until I suggested it and he has over 50 years of being in the area.

Today I woke up around 7:30, got dressed and made the nice trek to Woodburn for a bit more shopping. I got there at 9:45, which was good as it opened at 10 and started filling up with people pretty quickly. Made my intended stops: Eddie Bauer - $75.00, Tommy H - $0 my jeans won't be back in the store until fall :(, Columbia Sportswear - $15 and a free water bottle. I was disappointed about not being able to get a new pair of jeans, but I was able to get other pants that will work for work and fun, so I hope to be able to make the jeans I have work for the summer.

On the way back, I stopped at J's as a gaming party was in session. I didn't play, but did watch the old gang kill one another with lots of laughter. It was nice to catch up with them as I don't get to do that very often. Granted, most of them were glued to respective monitors, but still, it was nice to see them.

I came home, and started working on scrapbook pages. I finally got the two that have been in progress completed. Now I have to figure out what ones to do next and if I know what I want to do with them enough to work on them.

Tomorrow it's back to the daily grind.

It's been a crazy week at work. People out sick for all sorts of different ailments, none really connected. Which meant we were somewhat short staffed (just focusing on getting the essential stuff done). It probably didn't help that I was doing testing for two hours a day three of those days. But, we made it through, and yesterday everyone was back. Of course lots of other people had taken the day off, so it was quiet and we were able to get work done.

On Thursday before breakfast I weighed myself. 169 - under 170! yahoo!. I was working with the trainer on Wednesday and he had me use 25 lb dumbbells for a bench press. As I picked up the weights I held them for a minute taking in the fact that I used to carry that much extra weight around with me all the time. 50 lbs (two 25 lb dumbbells). I'm glad I got rid of that, I'd rather just use it for getting stronger once a week in a workout than hauling it around all the time. Oh and the trainer has decided to leave, so I have to decide if I want to work with someone else, or keep the cash and do my own thing. Now that I'm consistently in the gym, I think I'll do my own thing for now and see if I need to add a trainer back at a future time.

Back to the weight thing. After my breakthrough weigh-in. I had pizza for dinner that night (it was vegetarian, but still pizza) and when I did my official weigh-in I was wearing jeans, so my weight then was 173. I am not deterred, really. I know I'll get back down and am taking measures (like actually eating what I'm supposed to). In order to make my goal.

I still haven't made it to Woodburn yet, but I did get frames for a poster and a picture I've been "meaning" to get frames for over six months. Now it will probably take another six months before I get around to hanging them on the wall. :P

I still haven't done any more with scrapbook pages, except buy more stuff. I'm sure it will make them look pretty once I actually get started.

It's been an interesting 24 hours. Yesterday, I chose to surrender to God (again). That isn't really new. What's a tad unusual, is that last night when I got home from church (which was good by the way), I chose to write in my journal (the one with pen and paper) which is more of my communication to God, than to watch a movie. Of course ever 5 seconds thoughts were racing through my brain of "you really need to watch Casino Royale" or "you really need to watch more Doctor Who." Of course I would enjoy both of those mindless distractions, but that is what they are, distractions. So I chose to ignore them for once, grab my Bible and journal, head to the bedroom and scribble away.

In the course of writing, I started to think about my relationship with my sis-in-law. We don't really have much of a relationship. Reason A is me being pretty guarded with thick walls and the "you're not welcome to get involved" sign posted over the door. Reason B is probably her responding to the bad vibes or having her own bad vibes. Reason C, would be the issues I have with being the single, childless, youngest of the family that makes me often feel like an outcast when they come to visit. I don't feel this way with my sis, mostly because she makes me feel welcome or involved at least. She's a people pleaser and wants to keep the peace, and I get that and appreciate that.

Also, when the bro and family are around, it is usually ten or eleven people under one roof which in itself tends to be way too much and being the single, childless one, I get whatever space is left after the grandparents and married with children take what they need.

I was trying to figure out why this was coming out last night as it usually only comes up when the bro is about to visit. I guess these feelings need to be dealt with. I don't know if its something to address with him (the bro) or not. The one thing that has held me back from connecting with him recently is something that happened between us about 4 or 5 years ago. We were in Tenn for Thanksgiving and both sis and bro were showing off the first of the next generation. I was (of course as I am now) single, without prospects or children, just having started a full time job with a OK pay rate. Back to living with parents and making the trip on the parent's bill. Which meant that I felt not only out of place, but in many cases just along for the ride. I didn't mind that the new kids were getting a lot of attention, and I quickly figured out that activities and outings revolve around the babies. Are they about to go down for a nap? Have they eaten? So on and So forth. There was a day where we had planned on going into town to do something, either shopping or seeing a movie or something. I went in to ask when we were leaving, to find out that the plan had been scratched. I was disappointed, and said "OK, no problem."

Bro asked if I really wanted to go I should speak up. I said it was fine (remember, free ride, just wanted to get out of the house) I could live with it. He started yelling at me about how I should stand up for myself and what I want to do. That I shouldn't let people walk all over me or something to that effect. It left me running from the room in tears, a half hearted apology a bit later, and now years of not wanting to trust him.

The sad part is, I'm sure they would enjoy hearing from me as they are on the other side of the world. I just don't do it enough because they are closer to sis and have their own friends that they talk with anyway. I just don't know if it's worth bringing it up and how it has scarred me when they've got enough to deal with.

Yet I'm learning (which I've known all along) that this spiritual journey is not to be traveled alone, and so I need others to know what is going on in my life. Family is important and so I should desire to let both bro and sis-in-law in. To drop the gates to the courtyard of who I am. Just how much do I say and making it sound non-accusatory is what concerns me. I mean, I don't want to cause scarring on their part in order for me to feel better and get over these issues. Besides, being the single, childless one, I don't need to have the two room suite to myself and confine the married with two kids to twin beds or the "guest room" which has a bed and barely enough room to walk around it.

Enough of that.

Tonight, instead of watching the previously mention movie/ TV shows, I've cooked chicken for the chicken and green veggies days that will be tomorrow and Wednesday. And written in my journal. It's only 9, so I still have a little time before bed, but I figure I can explore LJ some or work on some scrapbook pages, or perhaps pray some more to keep the fire lit. At least for one more day. Who knows, I might keep it up for a while. That would be a good thing.

I was sick last week. Of course people tell you “I hope you feel better soon.” Which is there way of understanding what you are dealing with since everyone gets a cold or flu once in a while. I usually don’t get sick, unless I’ve just been on vacation. So for me, getting sick wasn’t something I minded. Isn’t that what all that PTO time is for that I have to use up by the end of the year?

It started out about two weeks ago with a little stuffy nose, sore throat, and dry mouth. Then last Monday after small group, I got home, headed for bed, and felt pretty miserable. I felt perhaps I was a little premature in not caring if I got sick or not. You see, as people would say “hope you get better soon” or “I hope it isn’t that bad,” I was thinking, “what if I want to stay home or not feel good?” I have been feeling sick in the head recently, so why not make it a complete package and feel sick in the body, too. Well, I went home early on Tuesday from work, slept most of the morning and afternoon. Decided that if I wasn’t ready to fall right back asleep, then I could get up and eat something. Being sick helped me keep on the weight loss plan since I didn’t feel like eating much anyway. I stayed home on Wednesday and slept most of the day. What I don’t get is that my mom kept asking when I was going back to work. Like I was faking the whole thing or something or ruining her day by being here sick rather than at work making others sick. Anyway, I did go back Thursday (I survived) and Friday was doing better. I still have the stuffy nose and cough, but otherwise am doing better. I don’t feel like I need to sleep all day, so that’s good and I actually did some straightening up and cleaning which desperately needed to be done.

Enough about being sick (it’s probably making you sick).

So other than that, I’ve been working on scrapbook stuff. Kind of. I’ve got pictures and background sheets, but haven’t actually put any pictures on the sheets to make actual pages. I’m working on that today since it’s drizzly outside.

I liked Shrek 3. Will be getting the soundtrack probably. I like spending money, but don’t have much.

Oh yeah, another topic I was going to discuss. I think (perhaps as a result of the illness induced delirium) that from a young age I was never actually going to get married (or at least not early in life). I’m wondering that my current state is due to such a burning desire for relationships from so early on, that I was destined to not experience such relationships.

I’ve also decided that I really do need to work on my relationship with Jesus, my own character, and all that stuff rather than focus on a fantasy of a life that will never come about. I think I’ve said that before, haven’t I? So we will try again.

On to scrapbooks and laundry.

It was sunny and nice today. The first day it's been like this since the Friday before Easter. Perhaps that is why I am more energetic, creative and Ok about things. Sure, nothing awful is going on that I am aware of, no evil plots to thwart my existence, so that's good. My boss's last day is tomorrow, and today they announced that the person that was under her will be her replacement. I'm excited for L. I am sure she will do a good job and I'll be there for her as much as I can.

They also said that they are going to evaluate our duties to see if they really fit our job descriptions. Let's see, I've had this title for almost two years now, so I'm actually overdue for a title change without actually changing what I do. Though since I took over a lot of what L did, that's already happened. Crossing the fingers to hope that they decide a place for a Sr. or Lead is needed and that I can do that. Work is much better than it was a year or more ago, I like my boss and my boss's boss, and that is always good.

I was reading entries from over a year ago (as I actually didn't write this time last year). The Cheerful Cynic has brought out a quirky side in me, that has become relatively permanent, when the depressed version goes into hiding. Let's try and keep quirky toward the surface for a while.

This evening I returned to CC's mom's house to collect my card/scrapbooking stuff. Last night I had left the stuff there as CC was busy doing a lot of stuff and didn't have time to make all the cards she needed to. The main focus was mom's day cards and she had the most people to make them for. Anyway, long story short (too late!) she wanted to finish them today and so I came by tonight to help out and pick up my stuff. The stuff that fills most of my trunk space and since I have a Volkswagen, the trunk is large. CC was telling her mom that it looked like Craft Warehouse had exploded in the kitchen. Well, at least the paper crafts department.

While hanging out there, I was able to make two birthday cards for my sis-in-law and niece. I hope they will like them.

This dual evening of card making has gotten that fire for creative stuff lit again. Which means my checkbook better watch out. I'm sure I'll go crazy on more stamps and papers and we'll have to do another paper craft fest again soon.

Of course, there are more birthdays and babies on the way, and if we do stuff, then we'll have to take pictures and scrapbook that. So now I'm not sure if I want to put all the stuff away or leave it somewhat out so I can get to it a little easier than before.

We shall see. . .

If I was to win an award, here's who I'd thank:

The Cheerful Cynic for showing me that it's OK and pretty much necessary to copy stuff for your my-space page, if you want it to be interesting. So now it's a lot more interesting.

The Cheerful Cynic's mom and WD for the use of their home for the girls party last night. It was lots of fun, burritos and paper-crafts!

K for your company Friday night to see Spider-man 3. It was good, long, but good.

Doctor Who (the first series Doctor) for adding another British actor to the list that I like. Is it the accent or something else?

B.S. - for being a good boss the last year and a half, and always standing up for us little people.

At this point they would bring out the hook are start up the music really really loud so no one can hear you any more, so I should say Thanks, and God Bless.